InstaFriday and Friday’s Weekly Letters

Dear 5-dollar-bottle-of-wine, Once upon a time I accidentally paid $17 for ONE glass of champagne. Never again. Five dollars for an entire bottle of wine? Now that’s how I roll. My taste buds may just be too immature to understand the complexities of wine tasting.. but I liked the way it tasted better than that stupid champagne. Wine snobs, be gone, I’m on a budget. Sincerely, I’ll-never-belong-to-a-country-club


Dear High School Self, I know you were proud of me for wearing baggy, ripped jeans and vans to chemistry lab. Not gonna lie, it felt pretty good. If everyone thinks I’m still 17 (including movie ticket vendors who i.d. me for rated ‘R’ movies), I might as well act like it. Sincerely, Kensie


Dear Austin, You’re a badass for running 20 miles on Monday in the 80-degrees-and-sunny-FL-weather. I only ran five of them and was tired enough myself. These protein smoothies I made pretty much hit the spot, even if they were almost too thick to fit through the straw. Sincerely, Your Boo

Dear Quiznos, I’m glad that you realize that guacamole is excellent on everything, especially turkey and bacon. Sincerely, Belly Full Of Guac


Dear Ziggy, It’s so cute when you rest your chin so gracefully on my pillow. It’s so gross when you use the couch arm rest as toilet paper. It’s so funny that you don’t at all realize how different you are from most dogs.

Dear Skipper, Thanks for letting me use this FABULOUS top. I need to find one of my own. Sincerely, Your GGBig


Dear Lizzykins, Thanks for being so fun all the time. You’re the bestest. Love, Kensie


Dear Chemistry Teacher, I’m pretty sure purposely not covering all the material on the exam and expecting a ‘D’ average for the class is not an effective method of giving us a “wake-up call” about needing to study more. In fact, it just gives me anxiety and makes me want to write terrible things about you on RateMyTeacher.com. So much for feeling secure about being able to drop one test. Sincerely, You’regonnamakemefailyoubastard


Dear Douchelords, When I’m sitting in my living room and the doors are literally rattling from the bass in your car, it’s not cool. It’s actually just dangerous. You’re probably going to need a hearing aid within the next couple years, and any girl who is impressed by this probably has a lower-back-butterfly tattoo. Also, you’re from Ocala, go blast your bass while sloshing your pick-up through the mud with a Monster in your hand, not in a residential area. Sincerely, TURN IT DOWN NO ONE LIKES YOU


Dear Left Ankle, I know my left knee has been cooperating with me and it seems too good to be true, but that’s no reason for you to start bothering me. Seriously, I just want to train for a marathon in peace. Get it together, Body!!! Sincerely, I’m gonna run no matter what you throw at me, suck it.


Dear Doctors, Surgeons, Healthcare Workers, Take EXTREMELY good care of my Grandma because she’s the coolest lady in the world. Sincerely, Mary MacKensie


Dear Blog Readers, Thank you so much for reading. Your comments continually brighten my days (especially this week) and I love you all for it. Also, feel free to click on random links throughout the text in my blog posts.. sometimes they’re chuckle-worthy. Sincerely, MacKensie


PS: Sorry for all the whining today.


PPS: HAPPY FRIDAY!!